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June 16 Its been way too long.......For whatever reason, I've really been feeling the need to blog about life lately...yet haven't actually taken the time to do so...I've been feeling stuck...in a rut...every time I see a motorcycle drive by...I get this ache...this need to feel the wind in my face...the freedom...I wish I could just climb on a bike and ride off...either that or just make the ache go away...but it gets stronger every day...I miss hanging out with Laura.....she's the first real female friend that I've had in so long....I miss going to the bar with her...just feeding off of her energy...just hanging out.....I miss trying new things....experiencing new things...seeing new things...I miss Hockey....I miss enjoying what I do for work...I used to love what I did...now its just something that I have to do to pass time...something to bring home a paycheck...I've been feeling lately that I got off course...lost my way...didn't have anything else to work towards...I think I've forgotten to dream...to find something that I want...and work towards it....its been a year since I graduated...and have I done anything towards getting my license? no...has it even bothered me that I hadn't? no...not until the last few weeks...I finally did something about it yesterday though...I talked to my boss...and I'll be working 4 days a week...long ass hours, but still just 4 days...I figure if I can get 2 hours a day study time when I work...then a full 8 hours on Friday...that I should be ready to take the exam by late August...that is if my application gets approved...once I start though, I have to finish...I was talking to my boss about the tests...and it reminded me of a bad MasterCard ad...
Application fee.........$145
Auditing & Attestation Exam Fee.......$209.33
Business Environment Exam Fee........$161.63
Financial Accounting Exam Fee.......$197.40
Regulations Exam Fee.......$173.55
Ignoring your boss when he says he'll pay for the exams if I'm willing to make a long term commitment to my current job..........priceless...
no...honestly...I just sort of ignored the comment and went on about the length of each exam...And seriously...what place makes an exam fee $209.33??? Maybe you have to be an accountant to appreciate the irony of not rounding it to $210??? But in all honesty? I'll be sending a check next week, assuming I can get a copy of my transcript that quickly, to apply to take the tests...and since I'm not willing to make that 'long term committment' that my boss wants...I'll be forking out the $886.91 to take the exams...good thing I really do love being an accountant...
Personally in my life things seem to be going really well...I've been dating Ken since earlier this year and he actually moved in with me a few weeks ago...I love him more than I thought I could love someone...I think that this is probably the first emotionally healthy relationship that I've ever been in...this is one part of my life that when I least expected it to happen...it finally got settled...I used to laugh when people would say "when you stop looking for love, it will find you"...well...when Ken found me...I wasn't looking....but I don't plan on giving it up either.....I thank God every day for allowing Ken to come into my life...and I know just what a blessing he is to me...because I lived with the complete opposite for way too long...
speaking of the opposite... my ex finally got his wife up here from the Philippines...and somehow its my job to make sure that she doesn't run screaming back home...or maybe its just everyone but my ex's job...who knows...but my kids seem to really adore her...however, I've found a touch of jealousy stemming from that...doesn't make sense...I've been begging for a break for a year and a half now...and I finally am getting it...and somehow it makes me a bit sad...I got some sick twisted satisfaction out of the idea that my kids liked me better than their dad...and now its not that way...I don't know if they like it better over there now...but hey...I can't compete with a swimming pool...a new SUV with a DVD player...and someone to spend all day every day with them....and I think that's what it all comes down to...there are just not enough hours in a day for me to work...and spend 8 hours with my kids...and still somehow not go insane...
I suppose this has just been a vent session for me today...I got this way last June too...a bit melancholy...feeling overwhelmed...somehow defeated....maybe it has to do with heading into my sign (me being a cancer and all) or maybe it just has to do with the fact that sometimes you just feel lost...and it takes feeling lost like this to really decide to change some things...in less than a month...I'll be turning 31...and I think that motorcycle riding lessons are exactly what I need to fix me all up.....
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